My life feels as though it is on the verge of becoming drastically up-rooted. I feel as though I can see a fork in the road up ahead and my soul is whispering in my ear "Don't be impatient, don't make any decisions yet. Just get ready, because something is coming your way."
One of the beautiful things about this deep work is that now when I feel emotions, such as anxiety or fear, I can look at my life and for the most part see what is causing the emotions.
I had a wonderful aha moment over the weekend, my 1st energy center, my root Chakra - Mūlādhāra has been blocked.
I should quickly tell you, I use the terms energy center and Chakra somewhat interchangeably. Previously, I called my energy centers, Chakras, however, after diving headfirst into Dr. Joe Dispenza's work, I find myself really valuing the term energy center over the term Chakra more and more. I too agree that using the term energy centers allows us to discuss these centers using science (which I plan on getting into in a later post).
So, anyway, I have been doing various meditations to balance my energy centers for the last few weeks. It was almost immediately after I began this work that I noticed my first two energy centers felt extremely dim, it was as if the light in them had fizzled out. I would sit in meditation to work on all my centers but would struggle to get anything more than a subtle pulse in my 1st and 2nd energy centers. I'd had an inkling that these two centers were blocked for some time, but was certain of it once I started including my energy centers in my meditations. So I decided to refresh my memory of the various signs that these centers are blocked or unbalanced. Lo and behold many of the imbalances are deeply tied to childhood trauma and feelings of insecurity and being unsafe. The signs range from issues with intimacy, to reoccurring negative emotions such as self-doubt, guilt, shame; anxiety, fear, and even physical symptoms such as lower back & leg pain, issues with the bowels, etc. Basically everything that has to do with the waist down. This made so much sense, as these are all things I have been working on healing in my body! It was like seeing a light go on in a dark room. So yesterday, for the first time in a very long time I did a meditation focusing specifically on my first three energy centers. I spent about 30 minutes working on each center. While I was working on my first two centers I was able to feel tension in my sciatica, hips, legs, and even my toes being released. During a portion of the meditation, the energy that was releasing was somewhat painful as my legs and hips were tensing and releasing, but the pain subsided as soon as I moved my attention toward my third center.
I know I still have much work to do, this was only the beginning of a massive energy release that is headed my way. But I am also so grateful that I was able to make progress in just one day! Simply by making the realization of where energy is stuck in my body and focusing my attention there, I was able to draw some of it out. I know I have much work to do on my all my centers, but I know understand the importance of grounding yourself from the bottom up. I have to first get my first two centers to open up and release what it has been holding on to for so long.
So what was it about today...? I woke up and did my meditations as I do in the morning and for the most part felt really good, but there was also a sneaking, lingering feeling of anxiety in my chest and my abdomen. Most of it seemed to be attached to my physical reality, as Eckhart Tolle calls it "my life situation", so I did some breath work and have been diligently working on relaxing and letting go of these feelings so that my body does not store any more of it. I have a theory that these emotions came on strong because of some of the energy I stirred up in my root in the last day. My best friend reminded me of the importance of not just opening the centers but also putting something positive such as light into them. So I am working to settle my body down and release the tension in my body. I am naming this hear because bringing awareness to these emotions allows me to breathe ease in to my body to replace them with so much light, love, and beautiful blessings of all the universe has to offer.
I am also recognizing that today is more of a ”self-care” kinda day and will not be the day I get very much "life situation work" done. And I am perfectly okay with that. Among many others, Abraham Hicks remind us that if we are feeling negative emotion, then we are separated from our source. They remind us that it is okay for us to decide to take a different route especially when what we planned is not jiving with our spirit. Let me tell you that is definitely what I have been doing lately, shifting my position and making different choices just to feel good.
Self-exploration and deep soul work is no joke. It takes determination, dedication, and a continuous sort of re-calibration. Though, I am determined, I am dedicated, and I will continue to re-calibrate myself in each moment. I am not going back to who I once was, I am not letting go of my vision for a better future, and I am not going to let anyone sway me with what I know to be possible. I will release my fear and welcome the unknown.
I'm on a soul journey into myself to find myself. I must tend to my own garden so I can fully heal. In this healing, I know I will become a light so bright that I will uplift those around me so that they may too tend their gardens and heal themselves.
We are all a work in progress. If we are not working on ourselves, how can we make any progress?